July 18, 2010
Tags:
Retro Writer, Writing, Writers, Authors, Facebook, Technology, Texting, Literary Events, Adultery, Alcohol, Smoking, Drunken Spelling Bee, Lucy, Desi, Readings, Short Stories, Fans, Hole, Man Eater Sandwiches, Ice Cream, Bacon Cupcakes, Mediterranean Diet, Music, LCD Soundsystem
To: Retro Writer
From: Man Eater
(Insert awkward pause here.) I appreciate you being so cool about the Denver thing and subsequent blog posts. I'm used to people getting pissed, so your friendliness is a little unmooring.
Thus began a recent message to the married author,
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May 31, 2010
Tags:
Sex and the City, Sarah Jessica Parker, Movies, Music, Rogue Valley, Women, Friends, Girlfriends, Alcohol, Blogging, Writing, Parties, Adultery, Puck, Cheating, Recipe, Cupcakes, Red Velvet, Cream Cheese Frosting
I recently told a reader that “I don’t play well with others. Unless we’re naked.” Case in point: I had been at a Sex and the City 2 movie premiere party for only five minutes when, while attempting to shake hands, I knocked over another attendee's drink.
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May 19, 2010
Tags:
She & Him, Threesomes, Booty Calls, Adultery, Cheating, Bisexuality, Girl Crushes, Texting, Kissing, Breasts, Sex Acts, Anal, The Mexican, Ménage à trois, Music, Guitars, Insatiable, Frozen Pizza, Recipe, Pecan Caramel Rolls, Sticky Buns, Brownies, Brownie Cupcakes, Fudge Packer Cupcakes, Coconut, Cream Cheese Frosting, Most Popular Posts
**Continued from the
previous post**
Two a.m. arrives and I still haven’t heard back from She & Him re: whether or not they’re still up for a threesome tonight. I’m about to get in bed when I receive a text from
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May 13, 2010
Tags:
Music, Musicians, Concerts, Playboy, S.O., Dating, Adultery, Cheating, Booty Call, Boots, Fuck Buddies, Facebook, Music Mensch, Health, Body, Feet, Recovery, Doctors, Dr. Hottie, Puck, Magazines, Twin Cities, First Avenue, Recipe, Muffins, Mini Muffins, Lemon, Poppyseed, Lemon Poppyseed Mini Muffins, Sour Grapes, Breafast, Brunch, Exercise, YMCA, Gym, Convict Cutie
My ass is sore. I think Playboy is to blame...though not for the reason you’d suspect.
I wasn’t going to tell you about this, readers, because I was ashamed, but what the hell. I really have nothing to lose now.
A while back, I purchased a ticket to yet another one
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May 8, 2010
Tags:
Music, Al Kooper, Bob Dylan, Song Writing, Guitars, Musicians, Minneapolis, Twin Cities, Minnesota Nice, Playboy, S.O., Adultery, Dating, Open Relationships, Threesomes, Slump Buster, Irish Eyes, Dr. Depp, Music Mensch, Lil' Bro, Diesel Jeans DJ, Jeans, Fashion, Writing, Blogging, Technology, Facebook, Texting, Enemies, Haters, Violence, Apologies, Seafood, Restaurants, Marie Antoinette, Brioche, France, French, Recipe, Bread, Cake, Coconut, Almond Paste, Raspberries, Berries, Breakfast, Brunch, Dessert, Coconut Frosting, Off With Her Head Bread
Sometimes Man Eater goes looking for trouble. Sometimes trouble finds me. And sometimes, both happen simultaneously.
I’m sitting one table away from Diesel Jeans DJ, in direct sight of Playboy, and within striking distance of his S.O. How did this happen? In part by chance, in part by choice, and in part
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April 27, 2010
Tags:
Playboy, S.O., Adultery, Dating, Threesomes, Music, Music Mensch, Lil' Bro, Writing, Blogging, Technology, Facebook, Texting, Spanking, Apologies, Recipe, Cookies, Raisin Bran, Nuts, Raisins, Dessert, Mail Order Cookies
True story: A man is fishing. He’s drunk, but let’s not blame the booze. He’s always had a temper. He’s got a live one on his hook. A big one. With a snap of his wrist, the man lands the fish in the belly of the boat. It’s flopping
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April 25, 2010
Tags:
Playboy, S.O., Dating, Adultery, Cheating, Booty Call, Fuck Buddies, Revenge, Culinary Therapy, Moving, Facebook, Technology, Foodbuzz, Recipe, Breakfast, Buns, Rolls, Caramel, Pecans, Raisins, Buttermilk, Buttermilk Cinnamon Raisin Pecan Rolls
Before I dive in, I must state: I have never had so little tolerance for mind fucking as I do at this moment. I’m moving this weekend, to a much smaller abode, which means I have to give up my dog (a big FU to all the “friends” and family who refused to
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April 15, 2010
Tags:
The Denver Trilogy, Adultery, Retro Writer, Travel, Denver, Colorado, AWP, Writers, Authors, Books, Bars, Alcohol, Babyface, Playboy, Technology, Facebook, Texting, Photography, If You Lived Here You'd Already Be Home, Amazon
***Continued from
previous post***
I know, I know, you're all eager to find out if Retro Writer captured Man Eater's beaver. Before we go up (and get off?) in the elevator, we must back up to the bar a few hours before.
(Sometimes Man
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April 13, 2010
Tags:
The Denver Trilogy, Adultery, Retro Writer, Slump Buster, Lucy, Desi, C'mon Kid, Diesel Jeans DJ, DJ, Travel, Denver, Colorado, AWP, Robert Wilder, Daddy Needs A Drink, Writers, Authors, Books, Bars, Alcohol, Indian Food, Little India, Lamb, Single Dads, Most Popular Posts
TGIF indeed! I’m in Colorado, dining at Little India with a big group of artists. I may be far from home, but my Twin Cities peeps are all here. On my left is
Retro Writer, my authorial fantasy man, and across from me
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April 11, 2010
Tags:
Slump Buster, Playboy, Sex Acts, Cheating, Adultery, Cliches, Alcohol, Tattoos, Travel, Denver, Colorado, Recipe, Bread, Salami, Meat, Cheese, Provolone, Garlic
The best way to get over a
Slump Buster is to get under somebody else. Who better than
Playboy? Don’t be deceived by the cuddly, bunny implications of his pseudonym; Playboy
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April 9, 2010
Tags:
Intoxicating Artist, Adultery, Facebook, Technology, Travel, Denver, Colorado, Music, Spirituality
If you are reading this, it's because I'm still editing my missive re: romp with
Bunny Boy and/or I'm getting busy with someone else's man in Denver and didn't have time to pen a new post. (No apologies if that was
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April 7, 2010
Tags:
Lil' Bro, Dad, Easter, Adultery, Playboy, Open Relationships, Dating, Marriage, Sex Acts, The Number, Slump Buster, Retro Writer, Writing, Books, Music, Conference, Travel, Colorado, Recipe, Cupcakes, No-Bake, Cereal, Marshmallows, Rice Krispies, Frosting
Man Eater is about to embark on what may be material for some very racy posts (I say “may be” because depending on how XXX the hookup is, it may not be kosher for the blog). Before we proceed, I feel the need to state something:
I’m not a slut. I’m single.
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March 20, 2010
Tags:
Writing, Retro Writer, Books, Dating, Adultery, Texting, Technology, Facebook, Most Popular Posts
I’ve never seen a bookstore so packed before. It’s standing room only. I slink as close to the front as I can, but I end up stuck in the math and science aisle. The room reeks of beer (how’d they get that in here?!), B.O., and unwashed denim.
The men
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March 13, 2010
Tags:
Spirituality, Fire Writer, Adultery, Writers, Books, C'mon Kid, Intoxicating Artist, Facebook, Technology, Sex Toys, Slump Buster, Minnesota, Recipe, Bars, Coconut, Cream Cheese, Dessert, Chocolate, Jam, Cookies
Though Man Eater behaves sinfully, I am a believer. I call on God often (and not just in the “Oh my God, I’m gonna come!” kind of way). Most of all, I have faith that when God closes one door, Cupid kicks down another.
Behind door #2?
Fire Writer.
Hellz yeah!
Did you all
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February 23, 2010
Tags:
Shrink, The-Rapist, The Mexican, Technology, Writing, Facebook, Adultery, Recipe, Chocolate, Cheesecake, Zebra Cheesecake, Whipped Cream
Man Eater is taking a few days off to binge at VooDoo Doughnuts and hob-nob with sex writers. The following post is from a few months back, but I promise it's just as tasty the second time around.
***
“Ho-hum,” I said as I squirmed on Shrink’s couch. “I just don’t know WHAT
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February 5, 2010
Tags:
Valentine's Day, Holiday, Slump Buster, Fire Writer, Adultery, Books, Recipe, Snack, Popcorn, Red Hots, Cinnamon, Candy, Spicy
Valentine’s Day is coming. Slump Buster is going away. Man Eater is…cooking up trouble?
Let’s cut to the chase: Fire Writer is back in rotation. (Have I said “They always come back”? Because they DO!) Nothing’s happened…but the opportunity may soon present itself. Based on the ironic timing these
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January 25, 2010
Tags:
Adultery, Fire Writer, Dreams, Dating, Restaurants, Books, Insatiable, Grilled Cheese, Recipe, Wild Rice, Porridge, Breakfast, Cereal, Cherries, Walnuts, Nuts, Dried Fruit, Apples, Cream
I imagine you're chomping at the bit for my juicy news, readers...but sports-ignorant me didn't factor in the recent Vikings game. Narcissistic as I may be, I won't pretend to compete with football. That tasty tidbit must wait until my Minnesotan audience pulls their attention away from the boob tube.
In the meantime,
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November 30, 2009
Tags:
Intoxicating Artist, Music, Mom, Jay, Married Man, Adultery, Shrink, Yoga, Cake, Recipe, Chocolate, Whipped Cream
“I knew you wouldn’t be late tonight!” Mom said as I swerved, bat-out-of-hell speed, into her driveway. Only half-an-hour to go until Intoxicating Artist would take the stage.
I’d spent most of the day getting glamorous. I removed hair from everywhere except my head, dusted off the fuck-me heels, squeezed into a
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November 19, 2009
Tags:
Shrink, The-Rapist, The Mexican, Technology, Facebook, Adultery, Cheesecake, Chocolate, Whipped Cream, Zebra Cheesecake
“Ho-hum,” I said as I squirmed on Shrink’s couch. “I just don’t know WHAT I’m going to talk about today…”
Shrink sipped her tea. And waited. (How stupid did I think she was anyway? Of course I had something to talk about. I just didn’t want to.)
“Okay, well, here’
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November 12, 2009
Tags:
Tattoos, The Mexican, Divorce, Body, Running, Punk Blogger, Adultery, Apples, Cheesecake, Recipe
“What are you in for?” Tat Man asked, holding the needle a centimeter from my skin, preparing to scar me beautifully for all eternity.
I turned my head but couldn’t make contact with his clover-colored eyes over my shoulder.
“My birthday,” I said.
“Which one?”
“Twenty-third.”
“Not exactly a milestone,” he said as
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November 10, 2009
Tags:
Mom, Dad, Church, Spirituality, Music, Beer, Intoxicating Artist, Adultery, Jail Bird, Facebook, Recipe, Pumpkin Bread, Pumpkin, Bread
“Are you going to the Jubilee?” my mom asked recently at dinner.
“No,” I scoffed. (I don’t particularly enjoy spending Saturday night amongst a bunch of aging hippy Catholics.) “Are you?”
“The tickets were sold out, so I’m volunteering,” she said.
“Ugh,” I grunted. “Enjoy.”
I used to be an usher. And
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November 2, 2009
Tags:
Movies, Adultery, Fire Writer, Chocolate, Fudge, Candy, Recipe
Confession: I lied. Though I said in yesterday’s post that I was too upset to eat, I did. A lot. All of it chocolate.
Before heading to Uptown to see “An Education” last night, I had a freakish urge to make fudge. I’d seen a recipe meant to be used for leftover
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November 1, 2009
Tags:
Movies, Love, Men, Shrink, Match, Mystery Man, Adultery, Divorce, Married Man, The-Rapist
If you believe, as I do, that the Universe sends us signs, consider the last 48 hours a clobbering over the head by the Powers That Be.
Back up to Thursday night, when I e-mailed my Match.com Mystery Man to say I "approved" of his photos. Because I'm way too forward for my own
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August 25, 2009
Tags:
Intoxicating Artist, Adultery, Breakups, Technology, Eating, Cooking, Mom, Recipe, Broken Heart Tart, Brownies, Cool Whip, Whipped Cream, Jam, Mily Way, Candy Bars
Dessert is my forte. Love? Not so much. My status quo in that department is disaster. This weekend was no exception.
I woke up on Sunday morning, my heart full of hope and my attitude as bright as the sun outside. “Ahh,” I thought. “Today’s the day Intoxicating Artist will call to do
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August 23, 2009
Tags:
Intoxicating Artist, Adultery, Writing, Cooking, Recipe, Cookies, Chocolate, Dove Chocolate
So...I said I was done with this adultery stuff...but...sigh. Never say never. Just when one of my twins chooses the straight-and-narrow path, the other one puts on her running shoes and sprints off down the thorniest path she can find.
My posts have been 48 hours behind reality every day this week (
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August 22, 2009
Tags:
Intoxicating Artist, Puck, The Mexican, Adultery, Divorce, Love
Contrary to what my dating history shows, I’m not stupid. In fact, I'm philosophical to a fault. I’m so self-aware, I can psychoanalyze myself. And I do. Which is why I’ve been pondering my craving for an indecent affair with Intoxicating Artist.
Quite simply: I’m pissed. I’m railing against
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August 21, 2009
Tags:
Intoxicating Artist, Love, Breakups, Dating, Adultery, Baking, Cooking, Facebook, Technology, Music, Recipe, Apple Pie, Pie, Apples
Intoxicating Artist is a pussy.
That's my conclusion after waiting 48 agonizing hours for him to “keep me posted” about our pending BBQ.
I pulled out every cock teaser trick in the book to no avail. First, this message: "I just talked to God. He approved the BBQ, as long as apples are not involved.
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August 19, 2009
Tags:
Intoxicating Artist, Adultery, Eating, Cooking, Mom, Music, Recipe, Breakfast, Bacon, Eggs, Bisquick, Most Popular Posts, Perfect Man Cake
“Open the window,” my 6-year-old, Hannah, said on the drive to the Dakota County fair on Sunday.
“Why?” I asked, cueing up our current favorite song, “You Belong With Me” by Taylor Swift.
“Because it’s good luck for Prince Charming.”
“I don’t know about that,” I said. “I think I’d scare
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August 18, 2009
Tags:
Intoxicating Artist, Adultery, Technology, Music, Most Popular Posts
***Continued from yesterday’s post!***
On Saturday morning, I went straight to the computer and logged on with the weight of sin on shoulders. It was like I had a hangover from overdosing on stupidity.
But…surprise, surprise. An e-mail from Intoxicating Artist awaited me in my in-box (now, if only I could get
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August 17, 2009
Tags:
Intoxicating Artist, Married Man, Adultery, Eating, Technology, Spirituality, Most Popular Posts
Being a Man Eater isn’t always fun (even though games are involved every time).
Flash back to Friday night and I was getting cozy with a Sam’s Club-sized bag of tortilla chips and a tub of guacamole (even more pathetic, this wasn’t a novel experience; see related chapter in “INSATIABLE” for
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August 16, 2009
Tags:
Cooking, Intoxicating Artist, Adultery
Today was Hoe Cakes. Yup, that’s the recipe’s name. Nope, I did not make it up. But I did make a dozen of them.
Hoe cakes are little cornbread-like pancakes and between the two recipes I tried, half came out gritty and tough; the other half were light and soft. Like the
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August 13, 2009
Tags:
Intoxicating Artist, Adultery, Music, Technology, Facebook, Mom
So, I know I swore I’d never fall for a married guy again, but someone—let’s call him Intoxicating Artist—is flashing on my radar. Married female readers, don’t flip out. Nothing’s happened outside my computer screen (yet), but my imagination is running wild.
In my defense, let me say
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