September 1, 2010
Tags:
Slump Buster, Chris the Cameraman, Writing, Books, Reunions, Texting, Music, Concerts, Platonic Friendships, Movies, Breakups, Julie & Julia, Julia Childs, Forgiveness, Music Video, YouTube, Neko Case
So. Slump Buster is back. At least via text. When yet another message arrived on Friday night, I responded. I know, naughty, naughty Man Eater. Go ahead, spank me. Three
is the magic number for giving it up. So I gave in.
I swore to myself that I wouldn’t post the
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August 5, 2010
Tags:
Erotic, Anthology, Books, Book Review, Rachel Kramer Bussel, Sluts, Fast Girls, Exercise, Technology, Sexting, Texting, Booty Calls, Reading, Storefront-in-a-Box, Autographs, Events, Recipes, Slow Cooker, Crock Pot, Bachelor Roast, Beef
It’s noon and I’m reading erotica at the Y. On other side of the windowed wall, bare-chested men (suits from the publishing company across the street, on their lunch breaks) are playing basketball. Each one passes by the glass, dribbling at first, then slack-jawed when they see me, flushed and sweaty, and
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May 15, 2010
Tags:
She & Him, Bisexuality, Girl Crushes, Texting, Kissing, Women, Dating, Sex Acts, Threesomes, Ménage à trois, Books, TV, Television, Exercise, Recipe, Bananas, Muffins, Mini Muffins, Peanut Butter, Chocolate, Ménage à trois Mini Muffins, Chocolate Peanut Butter Banana Muffins
Have I said “never say never”? Because I need to. I never thought I’d fuck a
married man, or my
therapist, or, well, ANY of the guys I’ve slept with. They’ve
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May 4, 2010
Tags:
Slump Buster, Breakups, Reunions, Dating, Moving, Housing, Poetry, Tattoos, Tattooed Poets Project, Books, Movies, Julie and Julia, Julia Child, Marriage, Wedding, Lil Bro, Blogging, Finger Fucking, Hair Pulling, Spanking, BDSM, Naps, Technology, Texting, Recipe, Cocoa Krispies, Rice Krispies, Chocolate, Frosting, Cupcakes, Dessert, Cereal, Most Popular Posts
“Can I ask you a question?”
That’s all the text from Slump Buster said.
Yes. Slump Buster. The man who, back in
March, I forbade from ever contacting me again (due to his excessive mind-fucking and absence of physical fucking). When I declared
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May 2, 2010
Tags:
Books, Book Review, Anthology, Sex Writers, Erotica, BDSM, Bondage, Spanking, Finger Fucking, Foreplay, Gag, Sex Acts, S & M, Please Sir, Rachel Kramer Bussel, Playboy, The Mexican, Married Man, Recipe, Bananas, Muffins, Banana Muffins, Raisin Bran, Bran Muffins, Cereal, Nuts, Almonds, Butterscotch, Breakfast, Brunch
Words make me wet.
Yes, sir, I’ve been using essays as my personal porn since I was around twelve years old, when I got my hands on an anthology of erotic lesbian writing. Having had little experience with flesh and blood boners, I didn’t notice the lack of cocks contained within the
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April 18, 2010
Tags:
The Denver Trilogy, Travel, Denver, Colorado, AWP, Conference, Writers, Books, Publishing, Robert Wilder, Daddy Needs A Drink, Tattoos, Poetry, Retro Writer, Slump Buster, Ice Cream, Airplanes, First Class, Music, Chris Koza, Rogue Valley, Alex Lemon, Recipe, Muffins, Whole Wheat, Bran Muffins, Raisins, Trial Mix
***Continued from
previous post***
Scene: Saturday morning in the Mile High City. With a spinach omelet, orange marmalade toast, and a fresh fruit cup in my stomach, celebrity cock shots on my cell, and a suitcase packed with Man Eater proposals, I headed off
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April 15, 2010
Tags:
The Denver Trilogy, Adultery, Retro Writer, Travel, Denver, Colorado, AWP, Writers, Authors, Books, Bars, Alcohol, Babyface, Playboy, Technology, Facebook, Texting, Photography, If You Lived Here You'd Already Be Home, Amazon
***Continued from
previous post***
I know, I know, you're all eager to find out if Retro Writer captured Man Eater's beaver. Before we go up (and get off?) in the elevator, we must back up to the bar a few hours before.
(Sometimes Man
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April 13, 2010
Tags:
The Denver Trilogy, Adultery, Retro Writer, Slump Buster, Lucy, Desi, C'mon Kid, Diesel Jeans DJ, DJ, Travel, Denver, Colorado, AWP, Robert Wilder, Daddy Needs A Drink, Writers, Authors, Books, Bars, Alcohol, Indian Food, Little India, Lamb, Single Dads, Most Popular Posts
TGIF indeed! I’m in Colorado, dining at Little India with a big group of artists. I may be far from home, but my Twin Cities peeps are all here. On my left is
Retro Writer, my authorial fantasy man, and across from me
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April 7, 2010
Tags:
Lil' Bro, Dad, Easter, Adultery, Playboy, Open Relationships, Dating, Marriage, Sex Acts, The Number, Slump Buster, Retro Writer, Writing, Books, Music, Conference, Travel, Colorado, Recipe, Cupcakes, No-Bake, Cereal, Marshmallows, Rice Krispies, Frosting
Man Eater is about to embark on what may be material for some very racy posts (I say “may be” because depending on how XXX the hookup is, it may not be kosher for the blog). Before we proceed, I feel the need to state something:
I’m not a slut. I’m single.
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March 30, 2010
Tags:
Slump Buster, Dating, Writing, Facebook, Technology, Texting, Puck, Books, Twin Cities, Lori Gottlieb, Marry Him, Music Mensch, Spirituality, Recipe, Bread, Italian, Focaccia, Appetizer, Herbs, Cheese, Sun Dried Tomatoes, Cherries, Rosemary, Basil, Onions
If hits are any indication, readers don’t like Man Eater on a soap box. They’d rather read about soap-opera-style drama. You want it, you got it.
I wasn’t going to give Slump Buster any more air time because, despite his objections otherwise, I think he enjoys seeing his now super-hero-sized persona
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March 28, 2010
Tags:
Books, Marry Him, Lori Gottlieb, Dating, Marriage, Divorce, Breakups, Parenting, Alpha, Beta, Recipe, Coffee Cake, Berries, Dough, Bread, Nuts, Pecans, Streusel, Whipped Cream, Breakfast, Brunch
Reasons women cite for breaking up with men:
* He loved me too much
* He wasn’t romantic enough
* He was so boring, he thought I was funny all the time
* He was too optimistic
* He was too pessimistic
* He didn’t have hair
* He had hair, but the wrong color (most often cited: blonde
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March 20, 2010
Tags:
Writing, Retro Writer, Books, Dating, Adultery, Texting, Technology, Facebook, Most Popular Posts
I’ve never seen a bookstore so packed before. It’s standing room only. I slink as close to the front as I can, but I end up stuck in the math and science aisle. The room reeks of beer (how’d they get that in here?!), B.O., and unwashed denim.
The men
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March 18, 2010
Tags:
Sex Toys, Shopping, Target, Amazon, Kowalski's, Rabbit, Masturbation, Books, Recipe, Cupcakes, Coconut, Cream Cheese, Dessert, Marshmallows, Spring, Easter
Today’s entry was going to be about tying the knot. Now it’s not. (I hear baritone cheers echoing through cyberspace. I guess this is a good thing.) In lieu of happily-ever-after writing, we need to talk orgasms.
While 2010 started off with a bang (and innumerable Big Os), the past month has been
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March 13, 2010
Tags:
Spirituality, Fire Writer, Adultery, Writers, Books, C'mon Kid, Intoxicating Artist, Facebook, Technology, Sex Toys, Slump Buster, Minnesota, Recipe, Bars, Coconut, Cream Cheese, Dessert, Chocolate, Jam, Cookies
Though Man Eater behaves sinfully, I am a believer. I call on God often (and not just in the “Oh my God, I’m gonna come!” kind of way). Most of all, I have faith that when God closes one door, Cupid kicks down another.
Behind door #2?
Fire Writer.
Hellz yeah!
Did you all
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March 2, 2010
Tags:
Babies, Chipotle, Chocolate, Cupcakes, The Heavy Table, Health, Parenting, Bakery, Blogs, Writing, Books, Mon Petit Cupcake, Best Sex Writing, Rachel Kramer Bussel, Kerry Cohen, Loose Girl, Slump Buster, Alcohol, Whiskey
Scene: Sunday. Home sweet home. Me standing in front of the bathroom mirror and groaning.
Why? Because I was late. REALLY late…
My cupcake meetup was due to start in ten minutes and I hadn’t even left the house yet. The holdup? I couldn’t zip up any of my clothes. I kid
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February 23, 2010
Tags:
Slump Buster, Travel, Portland, Best Sex Writing, Rachel Kramer Bussel, Kerry Cohen, Loose Girl, Books, Writing, Authors, Man Eater, Publishing, Technology, Facebook, Texting, Cupcakes, Steak, Dating, Most Popular Posts
My trip to Portland started off with a bang…but not the kind I was hoping for.
I may go into details in a future post, but the point is I did not get my much fantasized about send-off from Slump Buster on Sunday night (read: steak at the Strip Club, followed by more
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February 11, 2010
Tags:
Slump Buster, Dating, Facebook, Technology, Puck, Books, TV, Sports, Recipe, Cereal, Rice Krispies, Heart, Marshmallows, Frosting, Valentine's Day, Holiday
Man Eater is an over-achiever. Leave it to me to hit two milestones in one date.
Sunday night was my first fight with Slump Buster. It started off as you might expect: with silence. Despite my optimistic attitude on Sunday morning, as the day slogged along, sans confirmation from Slump Buster about our date
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February 5, 2010
Tags:
Valentine's Day, Holiday, Slump Buster, Fire Writer, Adultery, Books, Recipe, Snack, Popcorn, Red Hots, Cinnamon, Candy, Spicy
Valentine’s Day is coming. Slump Buster is going away. Man Eater is…cooking up trouble?
Let’s cut to the chase: Fire Writer is back in rotation. (Have I said “They always come back”? Because they DO!) Nothing’s happened…but the opportunity may soon present itself. Based on the ironic timing these
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January 29, 2010
Tags:
Slump Buster, Jail Bird, EconMan, Shrink, Puck, Music, Books, Advice, Recipe, Pancakes, Blueberries, Blackberries, Fruit, Breakfast, Brunch
Was I too harsh in my last post? Blame it on my writing style. Third person plural can sound accusatory, so today I will stick to “I” statements. This is what was really going on inside my pretty little head:
At about 24 hours post slump-bust, the insecurity set in. A doom-and-gloom thought train thundered
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January 25, 2010
Tags:
Adultery, Fire Writer, Dreams, Dating, Restaurants, Books, Insatiable, Grilled Cheese, Recipe, Wild Rice, Porridge, Breakfast, Cereal, Cherries, Walnuts, Nuts, Dried Fruit, Apples, Cream
I imagine you're chomping at the bit for my juicy news, readers...but sports-ignorant me didn't factor in the recent Vikings game. Narcissistic as I may be, I won't pretend to compete with football. That tasty tidbit must wait until my Minnesotan audience pulls their attention away from the boob tube.
In the meantime,
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January 22, 2010
Tags:
Fans, Facebook, Technology, Writing, Man Eater, Books, Meatless Man, Recipe, Macaroni and Cheese, Cheese, Panko, Casserole, Pasta, Vegetarian, Sausage
I don’t want to waste my words on haters, but apparently I pissed a couple people off with my last pair of posts. I regret sinking down to this level and spending a whole post on this High Schoolish bullshit, but I feel compelled to set the record straight.
I acknowledge that part
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January 9, 2010
Tags:
Elvis, Music, Music Mensch, Dating, Writing, Books, Magazines, Music, Movies, Recipe, Bananas, Peanut Butter, Butter, Sandwich, Snack, Fried, Velvet Elvis
I don’t do well with rules. Not even my own. This week, for the first time, I broke my “Never double-book” rule.
The man I made the exception for was (surprise!) a Facebook friend. We’ll call him Music Mensch. As a former writer for a major magazine, he’d been around. As
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November 15, 2009
Tags:
The Mexican, EconMan, Fuck Buddy, Books, Writing, Man Eater, Recipe, Brownie, Chocolate, Cherries, Whipped Cream, Pudding
Isn’t virginity great? In hindsight only, I mean. I think of the year I turned 15 and was really raring to go, sexually speaking, and it was just a matter of finding Mr. Right Now! to pop my cherry. Those pre-sex days, when the excitement of what could be made you all light-headed and
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November 5, 2009
Tags:
Fire Writer, Books, Love, Recipe, Cheese, Bread, Grilled Cheese
I knew this was going to happen. I KNEW IT.
Biggest mistake I ever made: reading Fire Writer’s book.
(A disclaimer before we go further: anything I say about the novel under my Man Eater guise is going to sound crass. Forgive me, Fire Writer. Evil twin typing now...)
I don’t read
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October 28, 2009
Tags:
Facebook, Technology, Writing, Fire Writer, Books, Music, Apples, Pumpkin, Bread, Breakfast, Dessert, Cake, Crumb Cake
Crumbs. My specialty. I scatter ‘em left and right. Facebook was designed for clever insinuators like me!
The name of the game is “Coinkydink or Bread Crumb?” These are some of the recent exchanges between me and a certain someone. You be the judge:
I blog about running; his next status update is about
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October 25, 2009
Tags:
Fire Writer, Facebook, Writing, Music, Magazines, Books, Punk Blogger, Dates, Nuts, Recipe
Man Eater sure knows how to pick ‘em.
I found my latest crush by accident. No--let’s call it fate because it’s so much sexier. Besides, Man Eater doesn’t believe in mistakes.
A few weeks ago, I was searching Facebook for a former classmate (who has not approved my friend request by
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October 4, 2009
Tags:
Aries, Travel, Sprituality, Recipe, Cookies, Books
Seven months after the wham-bam one-night-stand and breakfast burrito with Aries, I returned to Taos for another writing retreat. Aries wasn’t registered, but since he lived close by, he stopped by for meditation one morning.
Because the retreat was silent, Aries didn’t greet me in that sexy voice of his; instead, he
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September 11, 2009
Tags:
Love, Puck, Lima Bean Boy, Books, Cooking, Recipe, Cheese
I attended a funeral recently where a speaker urged everyone in attendance to reexamine the stories we base our lives on and reevaluate if they’re true or not. This topic was somewhat serendipitous, as I’d just written a post about my “unworthiness” theory that seems to drive my seductress behavior. I wondered
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July 3, 2009
Tags:
Men, Fuck Buddy, Eating, Holiday, Books
The latest book I’m reading is “Desire” by Susan Cheever. It’s an analysis of how addictions develop and when normal urges, specifically for sex, spiral into uncontrollable obsessions.
So, I’ve been contemplating whether I am addict—and if so, what it is I’m addicted TO. I’ve always wondered if
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