June 22, 2010
Tags:
Dog Star, Buitoni, Pasta, Ravioli, Italian, Seafood, Lobster, Shrimp, Crab, Sandwiches, Garlic, Butter Sauce, Frozen Food, Minneapolis, Middle-Aged Men, Sea Salt, Dairy Queen, Ice Cream, Blizzards, Chocolate, Dating, Sex Acts, Oral Sex, Bisexuality, Salads, Berries, Strawberries, Swag, Money, Advertising
I may be the best fed starving artist in cyberspace, but my wallet is as anorexic as they come. In six months, I made a whopping $2.40 from my Foodbuzz ad. Take into account the cost of hosting this site, plus all the food porn I provide to you, my darling peeps, and I’m
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June 15, 2010
Tags:
Music, Mumford & Sons, Honey Buns, Dating, Breakups, Rice Krispies Treats, Cereal, S'mores, Cars, Texting, Birthdays, Recipe, Peanut Butter, Chocolate, Marshmallows, Graham Crackers, Dessert, Kiss of Death Rice Krispies Bars
“So...who’s this new person you’re seeing?” my housemate asked me a couple days after the Honey Buns affair went
stale.
“What makes you think I’m seeing somebody?” I said.
“You’ve been unusually giddy lately. You’re singing all the
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June 13, 2010
Tags:
The Big Uh-Oh, Honey Buns, Dating, Breakups, Rice Krispies Treats, Cereal, Cupcakes, Cars, Technology, Foot, STDs, Recipe, Peanut Butter, Chocolate, Frosting, Dessert, Oh Snap (Back To Reality) Rice Krispies Cupcakes
***Continued from the
previous post***
Honey Buns and I were cruising along in his convertible when I got sideswiped.
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed," he said, "But I’m not over Taken Lady."
Taken Lady was Honey Buns’s co-worker crush,
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June 7, 2010
Tags:
Dating, Love, Honey Buns, Restaurants, D'Amico & Sons, Mason Jennings, Breakups, St. Paul, Grand Old Days, Music, Concerts, Doomtree, Dessa, P.O.S., Hip Hop, Birthdays, Recipe, Dessert, Cake, Chocolate, Mascarpone, Coffee Frosting, OMG P.O.S. Chocolate Coffee Mascarpone Cake
Honey Buns recently confessed a secret that may destroy the bliss we’ve been enjoying for the past month. I’m currently in the numbness stage of grief. Next stop: fury. Final destination: devastation. Population one.
But until we officially arrive in Splitsville, I’m going to keep the details about him as private
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June 5, 2010
Tags:
Dating, Love, Honey Buns, Slump Buster, Diesel Jeans DJ, Music, Jeremy Messersmith, Crying, Recipe, Brownies, Candy, Reese's Pieces, Chocolate, Cupcakes
I’ve been crying a lot lately. Not for the reason you might think.
Before I proceed, can I get a pat on the back? (And the ass, if you don't brand me like a
heifer.) I've been in a new *thing* for almost
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June 3, 2010
Tags:
Insatiable, EconMan, Body Image, Running, Injuries, Gym, Exercise, Dating, What Would Men Say, Andrea Schell, TV, Television, Recipe, Napoleon, Berries, Strawberries, Pudding, Whipped Cream, Chocolate, Powdered Sugar, Dessert
“Do you think I’m getting too thin?” I ask Dave one night as we spoon dispassionately in bed.
“Is this a trick question?” he asks.
“No, I’m serious.”
“I think you look hot,” he says, taking one of my butt cheeks in his hand. “You’re not thin, you’re slim. There’
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May 21, 2010
Tags:
Shrink, Therapy, She & Him, The Threesome Trilogy, Threesomes, Bisexuality, Girl Crushes, Burlesque, Stripping, Alcohol, Drinking, Kissing, Women, Girlfriends, Dating, Sex Acts, Ménage à trois, Music, Fashion, Recipe, Dessert, Cherry Pie Filling, Cherries, Pop My Cherry S'mores, Graham Crackers, S'mores, Marshmallow Fluff, Chocolate, Hershey's
It’s 48 hours post
booty call with him and I’m in session with Shrink, who should really be paying ME, considering how much she’s enjoying catching up on the recent
She & Him antics.
SHRINK: Who is this? The musician? The one whose concert you went to?
ME: You’re going to have to
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May 17, 2010
Tags:
She & Him, Threesomes, Bisexuality, Girl Crushes, Texting, Fashion, Kissing, Breasts, Women, Girlfriends, Dating, Sex Acts, Ménage à trois, Music, Madonna, Recipe, Peanut Butter Cookies, Cookie Sandwiches, Marshmallow Fluff, Peanut Butter, Chocolate, Banana, Most Popular Posts, Man Eater Sandwiches
Double your pleasure, double your fun. I’m out on the town with a smokin’ hot couple… who want to initiate me into the crazy sexy cool world of
ménage à trois. The only problem is…I can’t decide if three’s a
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May 15, 2010
Tags:
She & Him, Bisexuality, Girl Crushes, Texting, Kissing, Women, Dating, Sex Acts, Threesomes, Ménage à trois, Books, TV, Television, Exercise, Recipe, Bananas, Muffins, Mini Muffins, Peanut Butter, Chocolate, Ménage à trois Mini Muffins, Chocolate Peanut Butter Banana Muffins
Have I said “never say never”? Because I need to. I never thought I’d fuck a
married man, or my
therapist, or, well, ANY of the guys I’ve slept with. They’ve
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May 4, 2010
Tags:
Slump Buster, Breakups, Reunions, Dating, Moving, Housing, Poetry, Tattoos, Tattooed Poets Project, Books, Movies, Julie and Julia, Julia Child, Marriage, Wedding, Lil Bro, Blogging, Finger Fucking, Hair Pulling, Spanking, BDSM, Naps, Technology, Texting, Recipe, Cocoa Krispies, Rice Krispies, Chocolate, Frosting, Cupcakes, Dessert, Cereal, Most Popular Posts
“Can I ask you a question?”
That’s all the text from Slump Buster said.
Yes. Slump Buster. The man who, back in
March, I forbade from ever contacting me again (due to his excessive mind-fucking and absence of physical fucking). When I declared
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April 23, 2010
Tags:
Facebook, Technology, Texting, Music, Dr. Depp, Playboy, Slump Buster, Dating, Match, Match.com, Parenting, Single Dads, Restaurants, The Strip Club, Corner Table, Taco Bell, Doctors, Health, Hospitals, Minneapolis, Vegetarians, Tea, Salad, Soup, Lettuce, Apples, Hamburgers, Hamburger Buns, Buns, Bread, Eggs, Fried Eggs, Bacon, Truffles, Chocolate, Sea Salt, Rice Pudding, Shortbread, Cookies, Most Popular Posts
I’m thisclose to posting a rageful rant…but if I’m gonna say something nasty, I want it to sting. Thus, I’ll need a day or two to stew. For now, know this: 1) there are no second chances and 2) Nobody puts Man Eater in a corner.
Now that I’ve spelled out
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April 2, 2010
Tags:
Slump Buster, Breakups, Technology, Facebook, Blackberry, Cooking, Classes, Salty Tart, Bakeries, Chefs, Michelle Gayer, Braiser Babe, Middle-aged Men, Sex Threrapy, Recipe, Vanilla Bean, Berries, Blackberries, Tart, Crust, Dough, Ganache, Chocolate, Whipped Cream, Dessert
Man Eater is feeling back to normal…meaning misbehaving.
The day after the
breakup text exchange with Slump Buster, I went to Verizon to replace my broken phone (Ladies, forget the bars! If you want to meet sexy, single men, head to your nearest
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March 22, 2010
Tags:
Music, Courtney Love, Hole, Brother Ali, Slump Buster, Dating, Breakups, Tito, Dogs, Diesel Jeans DJ, Radio, Love, Recipe, Cake, Bundt, Chocolate, Devil's Food, Caramel, Whipped Cream, Toffee, Heath, Candy, Love-Hate Cake, Dessert, Most Popular Posts
Have I said “They always come back”? (I know I have. I’m just being cocky.) Because they do! And...oops, we did it again.
I tried to keep my big mouth shut, but I can't eat if my lips are zipped, so here goes. Slump Buster and I reunited last week at Spyhouse.
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March 13, 2010
Tags:
Spirituality, Fire Writer, Adultery, Writers, Books, C'mon Kid, Intoxicating Artist, Facebook, Technology, Sex Toys, Slump Buster, Minnesota, Recipe, Bars, Coconut, Cream Cheese, Dessert, Chocolate, Jam, Cookies
Though Man Eater behaves sinfully, I am a believer. I call on God often (and not just in the “Oh my God, I’m gonna come!” kind of way). Most of all, I have faith that when God closes one door, Cupid kicks down another.
Behind door #2?
Fire Writer.
Hellz yeah!
Did you all
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March 9, 2010
Tags:
Music, Brother Ali, Sex Toys, Dating, Slump Buster, Technology, Facebook, Recipe, Bread, Bananas, Chocolate, Breakfast, Dessert
Feelings, nothing more than feelings…
Or would you prefer “I can’t make you love me” by Bonnie Raitt? Don’t make me bust out the Coldplay!
Ok, ok, I’ll stop before you barf (and don’t you dare say “it ain’t over ‘til the fat lady sings” ‘cause I haven’t
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March 2, 2010
Tags:
Babies, Chipotle, Chocolate, Cupcakes, The Heavy Table, Health, Parenting, Bakery, Blogs, Writing, Books, Mon Petit Cupcake, Best Sex Writing, Rachel Kramer Bussel, Kerry Cohen, Loose Girl, Slump Buster, Alcohol, Whiskey
Scene: Sunday. Home sweet home. Me standing in front of the bathroom mirror and groaning.
Why? Because I was late. REALLY late…
My cupcake meetup was due to start in ten minutes and I hadn’t even left the house yet. The holdup? I couldn’t zip up any of my clothes. I kid
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February 23, 2010
Tags:
Shrink, The-Rapist, The Mexican, Technology, Writing, Facebook, Adultery, Recipe, Chocolate, Cheesecake, Zebra Cheesecake, Whipped Cream
Man Eater is taking a few days off to binge at VooDoo Doughnuts and hob-nob with sex writers. The following post is from a few months back, but I promise it's just as tasty the second time around.
***
“Ho-hum,” I said as I squirmed on Shrink’s couch. “I just don’t know WHAT
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February 8, 2010
Tags:
Slump Buster, Puck, Recipe, Doughnuts, Breakfast, Pastries, Chocolate, Toffee, Candy
Man Eater has met her match.
Slump Buster not only broke the dry spell, he’s broken my orgasmic high score. I’ve had more Big O’s in 2010 than most women do during the entire span of their marriages. I don’t keep score, but if I did…I would’ve lost count
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January 23, 2010
Tags:
Sex Swing, Bacon, Brownies, Chocolate, Recipe, Dating
I've been waiting all week to share some really juicy news with you, but I simply couldn't place a heartfelt missive on the heels of the back-stabbing bitterness of the past few days. Consider this, a rewrite of my Bacon Brownie adventure from last fall, the buffer post.
Something even sweeter coming (again and
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December 21, 2009
Tags:
Running, Music, Cooking, Recipe, Bananas, Strawberries, Chocolate, Pancakes, Breakfast, Banana Split
Breakfast in bed is a foreign concept to me.
As an endurance athlete (and food lover who's gotta keep her muffin top in check), I try to be consistent with my workouts. Every day for the past six years, I've woken up, whipped off the nightgown, and slipped right into my itty bitty shorts
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November 30, 2009
Tags:
Intoxicating Artist, Music, Mom, Jay, Married Man, Adultery, Shrink, Yoga, Cake, Recipe, Chocolate, Whipped Cream
“I knew you wouldn’t be late tonight!” Mom said as I swerved, bat-out-of-hell speed, into her driveway. Only half-an-hour to go until Intoxicating Artist would take the stage.
I’d spent most of the day getting glamorous. I removed hair from everywhere except my head, dusted off the fuck-me heels, squeezed into a
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November 21, 2009
Tags:
Minnesota, Music, Intoxicating Artist, Marathon Man, Puck, Radio, Writing, DJ, Diesel Jeans DJ, Recipe, Dew Me Cake, Snickers, Chocolate, Cake, Lemon, Pudding, Whipped Cream, Mountain Dew
Minnesota is colder than a witch’s tit, but our music scene is hot. In a one-week span, Brother Ali, Mason Jennings, The Pines, Sophia Shorai and…(schwing!) Intoxicating Artist all have concerts scheduled in their native Twin Cities.
Music is my romance language. I eat it all up, from gangsta rap to spiritual
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November 19, 2009
Tags:
Shrink, The-Rapist, The Mexican, Technology, Facebook, Adultery, Cheesecake, Chocolate, Whipped Cream, Zebra Cheesecake
“Ho-hum,” I said as I squirmed on Shrink’s couch. “I just don’t know WHAT I’m going to talk about today…”
Shrink sipped her tea. And waited. (How stupid did I think she was anyway? Of course I had something to talk about. I just didn’t want to.)
“Okay, well, here’
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November 16, 2009
Tags:
Dating, Married Man, Recipe, Cherries, Crepes, Breakfast, Chocolate, Whipped Cream
You should be ashamed of yourselves. How dare you let this happen to me?!
Tomorrow marks one year since the last time I made bacon. (In bed, of course. It’s a daily occurrence in the kitchen!) I woke up this morning after only four hours of sleep with the unhappy anniversary on my
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November 15, 2009
Tags:
The Mexican, EconMan, Fuck Buddy, Books, Writing, Man Eater, Recipe, Brownie, Chocolate, Cherries, Whipped Cream, Pudding
Isn’t virginity great? In hindsight only, I mean. I think of the year I turned 15 and was really raring to go, sexually speaking, and it was just a matter of finding Mr. Right Now! to pop my cherry. Those pre-sex days, when the excitement of what could be made you all light-headed and
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November 6, 2009
Tags:
Puck, Love, Photography, Facebook, Cleaning, Recipe, Pecan Pie, Nuts, Chocolate
They say that just before giving birth, pregnant women go into “nesting” mode. I didn’t experience that when I was knocked up, but since this dry spell began I do get manic urges to clean house every couple months. I’d like to believe this I-gotta-impress-somebody energy will magnetize Mr. Whoever (Standards inversely
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November 2, 2009
Tags:
Movies, Adultery, Fire Writer, Chocolate, Fudge, Candy, Recipe
Confession: I lied. Though I said in yesterday’s post that I was too upset to eat, I did. A lot. All of it chocolate.
Before heading to Uptown to see “An Education” last night, I had a freakish urge to make fudge. I’d seen a recipe meant to be used for leftover
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October 29, 2009
Tags:
Match, Men, Dating, Puck, Mystery Man, Technology, Movies, Cooking, Baking, Recipe, Bacon, Apples, Chocolate, Candy, Breakfast, Dessert, Muffins, Stud Muffins, Dud Muffins
Man Eater has a live one on the line.
I knew this would happen. As soon as I informed Match.com that I would not be renewing my membership, two new e-mails popped up; the first too ridiculous to warrant a response (“I want to know the name of your book!” Uh-huh, I’ll
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October 26, 2009
Tags:
Television, Men, Love, Cake, Pudding, Chocolate, Recipe
I'm behind on my must-see TV. It wasn't until this summer that I discovered--and fell in love with--"Boston Legal". All those sexy Alpha males, the excessive testosterone, the drama and debate; talk about a guilty pleasure! I gorged on the series, devouring the entire six seasons in a matter of weeks. It was
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October 22, 2009
Tags:
Love, Bacon, Brownies, Chocolate, Match, Recipe
Get ready to laugh, readers. Once again, my kitchen has proved to be ridiculously metaphoric.
A month or so ago, I was craving bacon. Really bad. Blame on that picture I saw on the web of “Bacon on a Sex Swing”. It was an appetizer so naughty, you’d have thought Man Eater invented
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October 8, 2009
Tags:
Townhome Hunk, Dogs, Cereal, Chocolate, Peanut Butter, Recipe
***Continued from yesterday’s post***
So I dangled the carrot cupcakes, but Townhome Hunk did not bite.
Watching the skanks (none of them bearing baked goods, BTW) parade in and out of Townhome Hunk’s was infuriating. Still, I held out hope that he would come to his senses (preferably his sense of smell,
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September 27, 2009
Tags:
Music, Men, Intoxicating Artist, Recipe, Cake, Chocolate, Black Magic Cake, Frosting
I’ve been bingeing.
No, not on food. (Though I’m known to do that, too.)
On music.
Listening to tunes satisfies me almost as well as eating does (though neither compare to getting laid, of course). When I’m being smart and respecting myself, I’ll feed my love hunger with music instead
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September 25, 2009
Tags:
Music, The Mexican, EconMan, Fuck Buddy, Married Man, Recipe, Chocolate
Sinatra got it wrong. A kiss is never just a kiss. A kiss is a corporeal form of connection. Communication. Communion.
Kisses, as quirky as the participants, as unique as fingerprints.
My first kiss was in the second grade lunch line. That day, fate arranged us alphabetically in reverse. I was still a Veldey,
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September 19, 2009
Tags:
Writing, Men, Puck, Breakups, Technology, Recipe, Pie, Peanut Butter, Chocolate
Goodbyes are not always bad, right? I mean, “good” is half the word!
And yet…I seem to be on the receiving end of a lot of bad “goodbyes” lately. Since the conception of this blog, I’ve gotten the kiss-off from at least four men.
To be fair to MAN EATER, two of
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September 6, 2009
Tags:
Braiser Babe, Married Man, Breakups, Music, Writing, Cooking, Parenting, Recipe, Cupcakes, Chocolate, Dessert, Gummi Worms
I had a dream last night that some fellow food writers e-mailed me to say, “Erica, please keep your blog light and happy. No more angry posts.”
Then I woke up. Alone. Reality bites.
You readers don’t expect Man Eater to be all sugar and spice and everything nice, do you? Because it
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September 2, 2009
Tags:
Running, Music, Cooking, Recipe, Bananas, Strawberries, Chocolate, Pancakes, Breakfast, Banana Split
Breakfast in bed is a foreign concept to me.
As a marathon runner, I find the only way to be consistent with my workouts is to get up, whip off the nightgown, and slip right into my running gear. After a cup of coffee and an orange, I’m out the door. Lately, my
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August 24, 2009
Tags:
Dating, Intoxicating Artist, Lima Bean Boy, Technology, Recipe, Fudge, Chocolate, Dessert, Fantasy Fudge
I was supposed to have a date on Friday night. Was I excited? Not exactly. Was I nervous? Abso-fucking-lutely. I always freak myself out before meeting someone new, even if we’ve already chatted extensively online and especially when he’s read my blog and still wants to date me!
I’m going to
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August 23, 2009
Tags:
Intoxicating Artist, Adultery, Writing, Cooking, Recipe, Cookies, Chocolate, Dove Chocolate
So...I said I was done with this adultery stuff...but...sigh. Never say never. Just when one of my twins chooses the straight-and-narrow path, the other one puts on her running shoes and sprints off down the thorniest path she can find.
My posts have been 48 hours behind reality every day this week (
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August 14, 2009
Tags:
Intoxicating Artist, Music, Cooking, Baking, Cookie, Chocolate, Music
How to explain without giving it all away? In a recent e-mail, Intoxicating Artist said two words that really intrigued me; no, they weren’t “fuck me” (unfortunately). They were much more subtle than that. So I spent way too much energy trying to decipher the hidden meaning…and found a song with those
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